It Is Okay to Not Be Okay
I don’t know about you, but there are times when life just feels… heavy.
Back when the world turned upside down during COVID, I remember feeling overwhelmed by the chaos it brought to my home, my relationships, my community, and, really, the whole world. I hated it—truly hated it. The isolation. The disruption. The loss of connection.
I felt claustrophobic in my own house. I love my husband and daughter deeply, but being with the same two people day in and day out? It wore thin. The lack of space, of novelty, of others—it started to take a toll.
Humans aren’t built for isolation. We’re wired for connection. There’s something irreplaceable about being in the physical presence of someone you love. There’s an energy there that just doesn’t translate over Zoom.
The Small Things We Took for Granted
And don’t get me started on hugs. I never considered myself a particularly “huggy” person. But during those long months, I craved physical touch in a way I never had before.
Remember that Charlotte Diamond song?
“Four hugs a day, that’s the minimum.”
Yeah. That line hit differently during lockdown.
Putting on a Brave Face
Through it all, I found myself smiling when I didn’t feel like smiling. Nodding when I wanted to scream. Saying, “I’m fine,” when I was anything but.
And yet… it felt like there wasn’t space to say, “Actually, I’m not okay.”
You share a bit on social media and people respond with:
“It could be worse.”
“At least you’re healthy.”
“Try to stay positive!”
Sometimes you’re met with awkward silence—or worse, total avoidance.
So then the question bubbles up again…
Is it really okay to not be okay?
I want to say—no, shout—from the rooftops:
YES. It is absolutely okay to not be okay.
But What If the Sadness Never Ends?
Maybe you’re worried that if you let yourself admit you're struggling, you’ll get swallowed by the feelings. Maybe you’ve always been the strong one—the caretaker, the supporter—and you’re afraid that if you crack, no one else will know what to do.
So you push the feelings down.
You show up, smile, keep things going, take care of everyone else, and ignore that quiet internal voice whispering, “This is hard.”
But here’s the thing…
Those buried emotions? They don’t disappear. They show up in other ways.
When We Stuff Our Emotions…
For me, they often show up like this:
Tight, achy shoulders
A craving for all the junk food
Teariness over silly things
Maybe for you it’s different:
A tight throat when trying to talk
A restless stomach
Trouble falling—or staying—asleep
An edge of irritability you can’t explain
These physical symptoms are signs that your body is holding on to emotions that need space to breathe.
Emotions Are Meant to Move
Here’s what I know, both personally and professionally:
When we allow emotions to move through us, we don’t stay stuck in them.
We cry. We release. We feel lighter.
Just like when we laugh, our body responds with joy and openness—when we let ourselves feel sadness, our body often responds with relief.
I’ve seen it over and over in the counselling room. Clients resist their emotions, then give themselves permission to let them out—and leave feeling lighter, more at ease, even smiling.
So how do we make room for hard emotions without letting them take over?
6 Gentle Ways to Let Yourself Not Be Okay
1. Journal (Your Way)
You don’t need to start with “Dear Diary.” Journaling can be bullet points, messy thoughts, art, poetry—whatever feels natural. Getting your feelings out on paper can offer clarity and calm, even if no one else ever reads it.
2. Go Outside
Nature helps. Full stop. Whether it’s the ocean, the woods, or just a quiet walk in a new part of town—getting outside your space helps you get outside your head. Let your feelings walk with you.
3. Let Yourself Cry
Crying is not a weakness. It’s a release. And while many of us have been taught to apologize for tears, crying is actually a healthy, researched-backed way to process emotion. There’s often a sense of peace that comes after.
4. Talk to Someone You Trust
You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. Let a friend or therapist carry the weight with you. It’s not a burden—it’s an invitation for connection. Sometimes, letting someone in is what gives you the perspective and relief you didn’t know you needed.
5. Listen to Your Body
Your body often senses emotion before your brain does. That tight throat? That upset stomach? It’s information. Be curious. Ask: What just got stirred up? What do I need right now? Giving space to the feeling helps it move through more gently.
6. Let the Emotion Be Valid—Even If It Doesn’t Change Anything
Feeling sad about how something played out doesn’t magically fix it. But naming that sadness—validating it—can take the edge off. It can make space for other truths to emerge too.
You Don’t Have to Earn Rest or Sadness
Your feelings don’t have to be justified by someone else’s approval.
You don’t need to be falling apart completely to deserve support.
You don’t need to keep it together just to make other people comfortable.
It is okay to not be okay.
And it’s more than okay to let yourself be human in a world that’s constantly asking you to be more, do more, or be “fine.”
