Mom Guilt: Why Boundaries Might Be the Answer
Ugh… those two words: mom guilt.
Even just saying them can make you squirm.
It doesn’t matter if your child is 2, 12, or 22—mom guilt has a way of creeping in. And it doesn’t care if you’re a stay-at-home mom, a working mom, an adoptive mom, a stepmom, or any other kind of mom. It doesn’t discriminate.
A Real-Life Moment
One day during COVID, I was homeschooling and hit my limit. I swore in front of my kid, told her how much work I was missing because I had to sit with her, and dismissed her emotions.
Stellar counsellor moment, right?
But let’s be honest—mom guilt often shows up at the most inconvenient times. Everything might be fine until your child’s mood shifts, and suddenly you find yourself:
Yelling
Giving a consequence… or not
Letting something slide that you swore you wouldn’t
Escaping to the bathroom to give yourself a time out
And no matter what you do, you somehow end up feeling like you did it wrong.
Why Is It So Loud?
Because we’re often our own worst critics. If a friend told you a similar story, you’d reassure her, encourage her. But when it’s you? You spiral. You imagine your child in therapy someday, talking about that one time you lost it during math.
But here’s the truth: you are doing the best you can with what you have right now. And while mistakes will happen, there are ways to respond that don’t leave guilt in the driver’s seat.
One of the most powerful tools?
Boundaries.
Wait… Boundaries? What Do They Have to Do with Guilt?
It might seem counterintuitive, but strong boundaries can actually reduce mom guilt. Why? Because they help prevent burnout, resentment, and emotional overload—all things that make us more reactive and less patient.
Yes, you might feel a little guilt when setting boundaries. But I promise: that momentary discomfort is far better than the long-term weight of resentment.
So let’s talk about five boundaries you can start using today.
1. Physical Boundaries: Check in With Your Body
Start by noticing what happens physically when your boundaries are being pushed. Do your shoulders tense? Does your stomach knot up? These are signs your body is signalling, Hey, something’s off.
Try this:
Step out of the room for two minutes. Go outside, shut your bedroom door, breathe.
Ask your child to take a short break elsewhere.
Even taking one step back physically can give your brain a chance to regroup.
2. Breathe First, React Second
Taking a few deep breaths might seem basic, but it’s powerful. It helps regulate your nervous system, gives your brain time to catch up to your emotions, and makes space for a more grounded response.
3. Watch How You Talk to Yourself
When guilt hits, notice your inner dialogue. Would you speak to a friend this way? Probably not.
Try these reframes:
Replace “should” with “could.”
“I could help with homework right now... or I could take a break and come back to it.”Ask: Is what I’m saying true, kind, or helpful?
4. Be Clear About What You’re Willing to Do
You’re allowed to have limits—and those limits might look different depending on your energy, your child’s age, or what else is going on in life.
Example:
“I can help you with schoolwork until 1:15. After that, you’ll need to finish on your own or ask Dad.”
You’re also allowed to tell them what you need:
“I need 15 minutes of quiet after work before I help with anything.”
Kids, partners, and friends aren’t mind readers. Healthy boundaries involve communication.
5. Check In With the Truth
When guilt bubbles up, pause and ask:
What is true right now?
Did I overreact? Or was my reaction aligned with my values?
What matters most in this moment?
Boundaries help you stay anchored in what’s important. And they help you respond in ways that reflect the kind of parent you want to be, even when things get messy.
Repair Is Part of the Process
That day I mentioned earlier? I ended up talking with my daughter that evening. I owned my reaction, apologized, and explained my expectations moving forward. It wasn’t perfect—but it was real. And it built trust.
This is the kind of connection that matters.
What I Hope You Take Away
The next time mom guilt creeps in, I hope you can pause and ask:
Is this about a boundary I need to set, protect, or communicate more clearly?
Boundaries aren’t about being rigid or unkind. They’re about creating space for you to show up as your best self—for yourself and for the people you love.
And that includes your child.
I'd love to hear how this resonates with you. How do you handle mom guilt in your life?
Send me a note—I read and respond to every message..
