Father’s Day Can Stir More Than We Expect — And That’s Okay
Father’s Day doesn’t tend to hit me with the same emotional intensity that Mother’s Day does, but it still brings things up. Some sweet. Some complicated. Some quietly sitting just below the surface.
My Dad — Then and Now
I grew up a total “daddy’s girl.” My dad and I are alike in a lot of ways — personality, humour, and the way we move through the world. I always felt seen and valued by him. When I was a teenager, he took me on “dates” to show me how a man should treat me. He even laid out a list of qualities I should look for in a husband — and I took notes (literally).
My dad is a teaser, full of nicknames (no, I’m not sharing mine). He can talk to absolutely anyone, and somehow always makes a lasting impression — even if it means we’re the last ones out of the restaurant.
These days, things have shifted. My dad has Parkinson’s, and this past year, we’ve seen a lot of changes. As he and my mom move into a retirement home, I find myself stepping into more of a caregiving role — helping with decisions, managing transitions, and witnessing his own grief around what he’s losing. It's not easy. The roles are changing, and I’m learning to love him in a new way, one that’s tender and deeply present.
Other Dads I Know (and Love)
I’ve been lucky to witness a number of fathers in action — each with their own strengths, struggles, and stories.
My brother is an incredible dad. He coached my son’s soccer team back in the day, and then kept going — coaching his own kids for over a decade. He’s fun, laid-back, and genuinely enjoys being with his kids. I admire that so much.
I’ve also watched my ex-husband and current husband show up as fathers and stepfathers in different ways. These roles aren’t easy, especially when parenting is shared across households or shaped by distance. Each of them has had their own challenges, and their own ways of loving their children. There have been moments of pain, pride, frustration, and growth. It’s complex — and deeply human.
And now, I get to witness my son-in-law stepping into his new role as a dad. Watching him with my grandson? It fills my heart in ways I didn’t even expect. He’s gentle, engaged, and all-in. I couldn't be more proud.
As I reflect on all these father figures in my life, I’ve come to believe that being a dad is about so much more than biology.
To me, a good father is someone who:
Shows up consistently — even when it’s hard
Supports the mother of his children, so his kids know how to love and respect her
Builds his own relationship with his children, not just through the mother
Cheers on his kids and makes sure they know he’s in their corner
Admits when he’s wrong, asks for forgiveness, and grows from it
No one gets it perfect. And that’s okay. Parenting — in any form — is a lifelong learning curve.
So, if you’re a father doing your best, please know that it matters. Deeply. And if you co-parent or support a man in a fathering role, your encouragement and support can go a long way, too.
This Time of Year Can Be Complicated
Father’s Day doesn’t land the same way for everyone. Maybe you’re grieving the loss of your dad. Maybe your relationship is strained, or there’s absence, hurt, or distance. Or maybe this day is a mix of pride and exhaustion as you reflect on your own role as a parent.
Wherever you’re at this Father’s Day, I want to remind you that you don’t have to navigate it alone.
If the emotions feel heavy or unclear, or if you're moving through a season of change with your own father or children, counselling can be a grounding place to process what’s coming up. If you're in Surrey, BC, I’d be honoured to support you through it. You can reach out here to get started today.
Whether you’re honouring someone, missing someone, or still figuring it out — your experience is valid.
