What Is EMDR, Really? And How Can It Help?
If you follow conversations around mental health, chances are you’ve heard the term EMDR floating around — maybe on Instagram, maybe in a chat between Oprah and Prince Harry. But what is EMDR really? And how can it actually support your healing journey?
Let’s break it down together — no jargon, just a clear explanation you can relate to.
EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
Yes, it’s a bit of a mouthful (even the founder, Dr. Francine Shapiro, joked she might have picked a different name if she knew how popular it would become). EMDR was discovered somewhat accidentally — during a walk in New York, Dr. Shapiro noticed that using certain eye movements while thinking about distressing memories seemed to lower her emotional response. That observation led to a full therapeutic approach that has now helped thousands of people process trauma and difficult life events.
So how does it actually work?
The Three Parts of a Traumatic Memory
When we experience something traumatic or overwhelming, the brain stores more than just the memory. It stores a bundle of experiences that often includes:
A negative belief about ourselves
– For example: “I’m not safe” or “I’m stupid.”An emotional reaction
– Like fear, anger, or shame.A physical response in the body
– Tension in the shoulders, tightness in the gut, racing heart.
Your brain then links this bundle to other similar experiences from your past. It creates a kind of shortcut — a neural pathway — that says, “Ah yes, we’ve felt this before,” and keeps firing off that same emotional and physical reaction whenever it gets triggered again. Even years later. Even when you logically know you’re okay.
So What Does EMDR Actually Do?
When you work with an EMDR therapist, they’ll help you gently identify the memory you want to work on, and explore the thoughts, feelings, and body responses that are tied to it. Then the actual EMDR process begins — and that starts with eye movement.
Eye Movement (or Other Bilateral Stimulation)
During EMDR, your therapist will guide you to focus on the memory while also following a back-and-forth movement — often with their hand, a light bar, or tapping. This is called bilateral stimulation, and it activates both sides of the brain while you stay anchored in the present moment.
This “dual attention” helps you stay grounded while revisiting a painful or triggering memory. You’re not reliving it — you’re observing it, almost like watching a scene from a movie.
The eye movements typically happen in short bursts, followed by a pause to check in. This rhythm gives your brain a chance to start doing what it naturally wants to do: process, make sense of, and let go of what’s been stuck.
Desensitization: Reducing the Intensity
As the session progresses, the goal is to reduce your emotional and physical reactivity to the memory. Your therapist might ask something like, “On a scale of 0 to 10, how disturbing is that memory now?” The hope is to get that number lower and lower — ideally to zero.
This doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It means the memory no longer has a strong grip on your nervous system.
Reprocessing: Seeing It Through a New Lens
As the intensity fades, something beautiful happens. You begin to notice new details. Maybe you remember someone being there to support you. Maybe you realise that you weren’t to blame. Or maybe you just feel a little more you — more grounded, more whole.
This part is different for everyone, but it’s often described as freeing. It’s not about erasing the past. It’s about changing your relationship to it.
Positive Installation: Reinforcing What’s True Now
Once the memory has been processed, your therapist will guide you through a slower version of the eye movement to help “install” a new, positive belief — one that fits who you are now. Something like: “I am safe,” “I did the best I could,” or “I am enough.”
This helps solidify the shift in your brain, so that when the memory comes up in the future, it no longer holds the same emotional charge.
Is EMDR Right for You?
EMDR has become a trusted, evidence-based tool for working with trauma, anxiety, and other stuck emotional experiences. And while it’s powerful, it’s not for everyone. It’s something to explore in partnership with your therapist — based on your goals, your readiness, and your nervous system’s capacity.
At my Surrey, BC practice, I am trained in EMDR and offer it as part of our therapeutic approach. I’ve seen it work wonders for clients — and in my own life, too.
Want to Learn More?
If you’re curious about EMDR and whether it might be helpful for you, we’d love to chat. You can book a free 15-minute phone consultation or schedule a full session.
You don’t have to stay stuck in old patterns. Healing is possible — and you don’t have to do it alone.
