Is It Trauma? Understanding What You’ve Been Through

As a trauma-informed counsellor, I often hear people say things like, “Well, I don’t think what I went through is bad enough to be considered trauma.”
But the truth is — trauma isn’t just about the "big" events that make headlines. It’s also about the quieter, everyday moments that can shake your sense of safety, belonging, or self-worth.

When we talk about trauma in therapy, we often distinguish between what’s known as big “T” trauma and little “t” trauma. Both matter. Both are valid. And both can impact your mental health and how you move through life.

So, what exactly is trauma?

The American Psychological Association describes trauma as an emotional response to a terrible event — like an accident, natural disaster, or assault. In the immediate aftermath, people often feel shock or denial. Longer-term, trauma can show up as flashbacks, mood swings, strained relationships, or physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.

CAMH (the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) frames trauma as a lasting emotional response to distressing events — something that can disrupt your sense of safety, identity, and ability to regulate emotions or navigate relationships.

Bessel van der Kolk, a leader in trauma research, says trauma leaves people stuck in helplessness. The mind and body become overwhelmed, and even long after the event, your nervous system might stay on high alert.

Here’s how I tend to explain it:
Trauma is something that happens unexpectedly, you weren’t prepared for it, and it left you feeling overwhelmed or helpless. And from that moment forward, it shifts how you experience the world — maybe subtly, maybe profoundly.

What’s the difference between big “T” and little “t” trauma?

Big “T” trauma includes those major, life-altering events that many people recognize as traumatic. They tend to involve actual or threatened harm to your body or life and often result in a diagnosis like PTSD. Examples include:

• Sexual violence

• Serious accidents or injury

• Physical or emotional abuse

• Military combat or war

• Witnessing violence or death

• Repeated threats to your safety

Little “t” trauma might not meet the same clinical threshold, but it can still deeply affect you — especially if it happens repeatedly or goes unacknowledged. These experiences often fly under the radar but still take a toll. Examples include:

• Losing a pet

• Divorce or a breakup

• A difficult medical diagnosis

• Financial instability

• Workplace bullying

• Chronic stress or emotional neglect

• Feeling unsupported over time

The thing is — it’s not about how “big” the event looks on paper. It’s about how your nervous system experienced it, and whether it had the support and resources to cope and recover.

How do I know if trauma is still affecting me?

Trauma can show up in sneaky ways. Here are a few signs to watch for:

• Trouble sleeping or staying asleep

• Feeling anxious, numb, or disconnected

• Unexplained physical symptoms (tight chest, chronic pain, stomach issues)

• Mood swings or irritability

• Feeling easily overwhelmed or “on edge”

• Avoiding certain places, people, or memories

• Feeling “stuck” or unable to move forward

And of course, none of these symptoms mean you’re broken — they’re actually your brain and body doing their best to protect you. The goal of trauma-informed counselling is to help your nervous system come out of survival mode and begin to heal.

So what helps?

The good news is: healing from trauma is possible.
You don’t have to stay stuck in the same loops. You don’t have to go through it alone.

There are evidence-based therapies that support trauma recovery — including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic approaches, cognitive processing therapy, and emotionally focused therapy. In my practice, I work with both individuals and couples to gently explore these stuck places, build resilience, and move toward healing at a pace that feels safe and supportive.

I also believe that healing from trauma isn’t just about talking. It often includes tuning into your body, nurturing your nervous system, and honouring your whole self — mind, body, and heart.

If you’ve been wondering whether your experience “counts” as trauma — I want you to know it does.
And if you’re ready to explore how it’s been affecting you, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

I offer individual and couples counselling in-person in Surrey, BC and virtually across British Columbia. If you’d like to learn more or book a session, feel free to reach out..